My Fifteenth Year – Wasted

Oh my goodness, today has been the last day of being fifteen years old. It is silly that I am this young and I still am sometimes worried about how old I’m getting. Is it possible to be wasting your years away as a young teenager? If so, then I should be extremely worried. I really feel as if I have wasted this year of my life. It may be one short teenage year, but it is still a year of my life wasted. I feel as though I could have been a lot more positive and should have had the confidence to ask for help when I needed it, so I wouldn’t end up in this complete mess. I may be positive about it now, but it shouldn’t have taken a team of paid professionals to make me realise what I needed to do. It was simply to ask for help.

However, I will admit that I am becoming a lot more positive about my life and am finally looking to the future. I feel as though being here has given me the ability to see the light, which the darkness of my mental health struggles has taken away. On that very dark night (in a literal and metaphorical way), all I could see was the end, and never the new beginnings, which I now have the capability of knowing about.

My wasted year has been spent consumed in the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and, later on, depression. They are like life forces that prevent you from seeing the positives. The year at school was probably the only thing I gained, but the things I learnt for three terms at school are nowhere near as important as the life skills and coping strategies I have learnt by being in hospital for three weeks. So, yes, my year of being fifteen has been wasted, but at least I now know what lies ahead of me. I know I have a long, hard battle to fight; luckily now I have the tools to fight with. At least I can look forward to a year of being sixteen, that won’t be wasted.

The next time you hear from me, I will be sixteen years old. I may try and write a post, but I am finally on overnight leave from the hospital and will be busy with my birthday plans.

Thanks for reading,

Quinn x

 

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13 thoughts on “My Fifteenth Year – Wasted

  1. Happy birthday Quinn.
    You learned something and you survived the difficult obstacles placed before you. Your year was not wasted, in years to come you will look back and smile, able to see that to survive with hope at the end of the day is an accomplishment. keep blogging, keep your head up and do what makes you happy. You are young, live, love, learn and find joy in the simplest of things. Life lived is not wasted.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh holy shit, you sure don’t think or write like someone 15/16 in a few hours. Seriously. When I was 15 I didn’t even know about depression or the idea that I might not be the assigned at birth gender I got labelled with. I did incredibly stupid things instead, that kinda wrecked my life forever after. It’s only 30 years on that it seems better. I’m glad as hell you have the insight to know what is going on and how to fix it, and have people you can ask for help (no matter how hard it is or how long it took to figure it out). You are a badass.

    Like

    1. Woah! That’s a real big compliment for me, but the truth is that I’m just a massive nerd and like the knowledge! I’m glad that your life is now looking up 🙂
      And a ‘badass’? Oh my goodness, I wouldn’t go that far!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember worrying when I was younger about how every year that passed was 1% of your life gone (if you are lucky and live to 100)… but if we are going to be pessimistic- in a few hundred years time most things that most people do now will not be significant so whether or not time is wasted has no meaning… or if we are going to be optimistic- every thing can have meaning if we let it, and we often don’t realise until later.

    But enough philosophy- a word of encouragement. I developed depression when I was 15. I however did not get help or learn how to deal with it, and subsequently had depression for 4 years before, and then another 6 of not being properly depressed but still struggling to find my way. You have done well. Learning coping strategies and life skills is a major achievement- probably the most important. And the time spent depressed, although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, gives you perspective, understanding and empathy which is useful in life also.

    Here’s to a new year! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thank you so much for commenting, it really means a lot! It has really made me think and am more positive about it now. And thank you for sharing your experience with depression, it takes courage and it is always nice to hear from someone who has shared with mental health issues.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This year has certainly not been wasted. You will use your experiences as you get older and people will wonder why you are so mature. When I was your age I was dealing with living with an alcoholic, mentally ill mother and trying to study. I ended up working in mental health and my family/personal experience really helped me. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

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